Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
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His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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