i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
being pregnant is like rehab
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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