Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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