Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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