He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love having hate sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
