for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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