yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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