Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
