I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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