My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
