Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
