i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's never too late to be topless.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
