Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize