He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
