Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
