if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
