Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
