dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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