So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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