I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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