So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
