Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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