quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
