She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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