He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
