his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
