You smell like stripper and shame
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
