he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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