She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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