wanna go halves on a baby?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
