I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
