Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
