Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
