dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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