And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
