never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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