the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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