I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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