Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
pray to the hookup gods
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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