also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
be right there i have to get my cape
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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