remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize