yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
