So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
