bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is wine microwaveable?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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