Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
