i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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