a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
