even my farts smell like vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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