i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
