He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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