Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My vagina is officially offended.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
