bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
