Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
