Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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