he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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